Archive for February, 2012


Zombies DON’T run

Zombies are my favourite monsters.

And that is because they are unconventional ones for many reasons.

A single zombie is no great threat. You can easily avoid or beat one.

Zombies are not super strong.

They have human-like  senses  (according to some , they have a very keen sense of smell).

They are stupid.

They are clumsy.

They are slow.

What make the zombies a great danger is their number , their stamina and the fact that they infect the people they bite creating new zombies.

And when your friend Bob or your brother is turned into a zombie and comes at you with his mouth open trying to eat you alive you really have to steel yourself to discourage him by crushing this skull.

So the threat presented by a zombie  is more subtle than simply  the fact that a dead guy is trying to feed on your meat. Sometimes the dead guy can be your dead guy.

You can argue that vampires do the same thing.

But vampire only turn selected individuals and these keep their personality and their memories.

If your friend Bob come back from the world of death as a vampire and tries to feed on you is probably because you still owe him some money.

Zombies don’t hate you. They are just very hungry.

And now you can say that also werewolves are.

But werwolves stop killing after they have fed. And they only turn into beasts with the full moon.

Being a zombies and being  hungry  are permanent conditions.

There is no need to picture zombies like creatures that run. Almost every other monster  does.

Is too easy if they do it  too.

Zombies are not sprinters they are marathon guys.

Also the zombie stands up in the monsters category because it has no sexual implications.

They are not sexy. They are not pale, they are rotten!

Zombies don’t want eat people to get physically or spiritualy  in contact with them. Zombies feel for people the same sexual attraction people feel for a sandwich ( Yeah I know that you can find every kind of sexual perversion but we are talking in general terms)

And zombie authority Simon Pegg agrees with me!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/nov/04/television-simon-pegg-dead-set

By the way Dead Set is good.

Sara Wayne Callis as Lori

I really can’t stand her character Lori in The Walking Dead.

Sara Wayne ( Wayne is not her real name. WTF ) too doesn’t seems a very healthy person, with her suspiciously skinny body and her neurotic expression.

One of the sacriest thing in the show is her picture with the allucinated eyes and fake smile during the main title.

I love the show (even if there is always a little bit to much of people talking and to few zombies), but Lori really presents a problem. She heavily gets on  my nerves. And usually only blonds annoy me that much!

I was wondering if from the production’s point of view we were  suppose to like her. Being her the main female character and the beloved wife of our (poor thing) hero.

But I am happy to know that I’m not the only one who hate her ! There are a lot of people on IMDB that have the same feelings.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0915637/board/nest/190440878

She is simply a self-righteous assuming  b****.

She always act like she is a tough gal and inevitably ends doing something very stupid.

You wonder how could she have survived so long. But the answer is : thanks to someone else of course!

Not that the other female characters in the show are much better.

The sad thing is that they are not bad written.

I’m afraid that most women will behave the same in that situation…

Red Sonja

After the dreadfull remake of Conan that makes you  long for Schwarzenegger acting skill, there are rumors of a remake of Red Sonja.

I watched the movie again some month ago and I thought that it has not aged gracefully but it still holds a big potential. I would really like to see a modern new version.

But it doesn’t look good from the beginning.

This time for the role of Sonja , the  athlethic female barbarian warrior  once performed by Brigitte Nielsen  it seems they have choosen … Rose Mc Gowen!

Now, I like Rose with her small soft body and her ultrawhite skin and I also admit that her face has a remote resemblance with young Ms Nielsen’s.

But even if she is to be considered a  bad girl  you really cannot picture her as a brutal gigantic amazon.

I don’t think her soft arms can even hold the prop sword for the fighting sequence.

Also she was the villain in Conan remake.

So here are my choice of big fit girls  for Red Sonja role.

Ehi Hollywood! Anybody hear me?

Come on! You can do better!

Since Hollywood producer tend to be quite dumb and lack imagination, I also put swords in the pictures!

Amanda Righetti

Milla Jovovich

Jessica Biel

Charlize Theron

Ke-lly! Ke-lly! Ke-lly!

Ok, she probably would never research the string Theory or discover a cure for cancer.

Or even ever complete a crossword puzzle I am afraid.

But ehi, what can you say  in front of this?

100% natural stuff. And she is over 30 .

Usually good for retirement for a model.

From  my favourite website :

http://skinnyvscurvy.com/kelly-brook/kelly-brook-gets-cleavagey-brings-todays-quote.html

Why I hate women 3

I: ” Hi K I have to ask you a favour. This evening my friend Lorenzo is coming over for dinner and a movie.

Since I am not romantically interested in him and I am afraid he is planning to  make a move, could you come over too?”

K” Ok, no problem!”

They come for dinner and the movie.

It is crystal clear that Lorenzo would like to be alone with me but since there is K everything goes smooth.

Next day I speak with K.

I: “Hi K, thank you for yesterday. Everything went well.”

K: ” Well, I have to tell you. Yesterday evening I almost left. I couldn’t stand the situation.

He was hitting on you all the time! ”

I: ” …”

 

The moral of the story is

You can warn a woman about something in advance. If she doesn’t like reality, she simply takes as a personal offence to have to deal with it.

“I told you so ” simply doesn’t work with them.

 

Why I hate women 2

A true story.

 

K receives a text on her mobile. It is from Marco, the guy she is currently seeing.

K:  “Marco is asking me out this evening. I’m texting him that I  cannot because I’m going out with Laura.”

She texts him

K receives another text

K: “Now he asks about tomorrow. Tomorrow I have to go to that concert.

She text him.

K receives another text.

K: “He says it doesn’t matter”

K: “Maybe we could go out Wendsday…”

She text him.

K receives another texy.

K: “He says he cannot because on Wendsday he has to see his family. THE BASTARD!”

Here is another list.

These are girls that media say are beautiful and I say they are not!

I mean, of course they are above average but we are talking of women who live on their beauty and are  of inspiration  for  teenagers with low self esteem.

 

Amber Heard

I can’t stand to see her glorified for her beauty and takent.

She is nothiing more tahn the average skinny blond without boobs and with an unremarkable face.

And she absoluty CAN’ T act.

If she didn’t pretend to be an actress but express her  extraordinary talent in the fashion industry I would be less annoied.

And please, stop implying that she looks like Marylin!

 

Cameron Diaz

I think she is a good actress and she has a very charming smile and probably she is also fun  to have around.

But she has a male body . And I like muscles. It is just I don’t like so many on her that is so skinny. She has no waist and not even small boobs.

Don’t tell me she is SO beautiful.

 

Christina Ricci

I used to like her very much when she was one of the few really curvy actresses in Hollywood.

Now she is scary.  With her crazy eyes she looks like someone who want to bite you.

And she has a bad hip-waist rate.

What I call Lizard Body

 

 

 

Crystal Renn

She had to little boobs to promote the image of the curvy woman when she was bigger.

And she is just one of the many scary skinny models with protruding cheekbones now.

 

 

Heidi Klum

Come on, this girl was having an affair with Flavio Briatore ( Ugh!)

She nust be one of that women that say that they like men that make them laugh.

Yes, when they make jokes about their platinum credit cards and how long is their yatch.

Even for a a girl whose main talent is to be beautiful she is to stupid! Look at that empty smile and eyes.

Probably my childhood Barbie has deeper thoughs than her.

And she has no waist! She is supposed to be working and be payed because of her  perfect body.

 

Kate Upton

Ok, after this one my boyfriend will leave me.

I know she has the most amazing boobs in the world but for me that I am an eterosexual female this isn’t enough. I admit it was fun in the beginning watching her on the catwalk.

And it is true that she is one of the few models that doesn’t looks like a starving cocaine addict but just like the shallow happy girl next door.

But I can’t stand that she is presented like ” finally a model with some meat on!”.

SHE IS SKINNY.

She is a skinny girl with big beautiful natural soft boobs.

She has no waist, no booty and her legs have a unsettling shape without calves.

She could do better for a 19 year old model!

This said I wish her the best luck!

 

 

 

Renee Zellweger

OK she has beautiful blue eyes and with the right director she can be a good actress.

But I cannot really consider this beautiful

 

 

Women I think goergeous

This is a lot more subjective list

These are some women that even if cannot compete with more perfect or younger creatures like Angelina and Charlize, has something special that make them gorgeous.

Allison Scagliotti

Kristin Bauer now

Unbeatable among the women her age. Much better now than when she was younger.

Very sexy harsh voice too.

I know, probably she is not 100% natural…

Michelle Rodriguez

Vanessa Williams now

She is much more beautiful now than when she was young.

Sasha Grey

And one of the best booty too.

Her is my list.

Beauty come in many sizes and shapes.

I’m a little short of black and asian beauties but it is just beacause I don’t know many.

Obviously Angelina Jolie and Charlize Theron are included in this list. But they are boring-beautiful, so I won’t post their pictures.

Here they are in some kind of alphabetical order

Ali Larter

Almost boring in her perfect blond beauty. Almost…

Amanda Righetti
I’m not  very fond of her broad shoulders-small boobies body but her face with that slightly irregular nose does the job.
Christy Turlington
I don’ t know if she still is that beautiful naturally. Hard to say with pictures.
And she is very thin. Maybe too much, even.
Christina Hendricks
Maybe now she is a little bit too heavy but still one of the most beautiful face in the ‘verse
Deborah Anne Woll
Elizabeth Hurley
Eva Green
Also a stunning body when she is not skeletal like she has become recently.
Famke Janssen
Not a flattering picture and still she manages to be very beautiful.
Jaime Murray
Thin and perfect. The pictures don’t give her the right credit.
And she also has a charming british accent.
Jennifer Connelly
Beautiful girl with tick eyebrows.
This one should be in the list of the Once most beautiful women.
Now she looks like she is some kind of neurotic diet freak. Anyway …
Jessica Biel
Beautiful athletic powerful body. She could be a Norse Valkyrie.
I’m not so confident that she is a natural beauty though…
Helena Bonham Carter
Not a remarkable body but her face…
Kelly Brook
Probably from some lab genetic experiment. Simply perfect.
Laetitia Casta
A perfect beauty with irregular teeth
Lindze Merrit
She use to be a overweight girl. So kudos to her!
Especially for not exceeding in the weight loss path and becoming Christinaricciskinny.
Difficult to say how beautiful she really is because she is a cosplayer so almost all her pictures are  with full make up and proper lights. Still…
And she has the most amazing thighs I’ve  ever seen
Lucy Liu
Michelle Pfeiffer
Maybe not as beautiful as she used to be.
But she admits of having had some jobs done to her face. And she is one of the fews that has done it with some taste
Natalie Portman
A beauty since she was thirteen
Nicole Kidman
 We like to rememeber her like she was before her mad surgical disfiguration of herself.
Salma Hayek
We can debate about her face beeing THAT beautiful, but not about her body
Thora Birch
Disappeared in the mists after American Beauty and a bunch of lesser movies.
Beautiful even when she is blond