Archive for March, 2012


Yummy!

Sometimes you wonder if you are the only thinking human being left.

I feel insulted by some advertising. Am I the only one to notice?

I am talking about advertising and fashion spread in which they show models eating.

I think that very few women can feel at ease having someone taking pictures of them while eating.

But the result is really grottesque when the girl in question is maybe not a terrific actress and terrified by food!

Look at these pictures of girls “happily” eating!

The feeling is like when kids pretend to be eating a bug.

Oh yes Heidi we sooo believe that you usually eat hamburger and fries (Look how her mouth doesn’t really make contact with food).

Look at their grinning tense mouth. Those are not smiles. Do you see  how they can barely tolerate the contact of the food against their teeth? They are trying to stoically endure the struggle for as long as it takes the shooting but they are almost in panic. Can you see the look of terror in their eyes?

Some of the best are of course those  involving chocolate and sweets!

Poor Mila Kunis can endure the exhausting routine of a professional dancer but she cannot for the love of God to pretend to be eating cotton candy ( I’m sure that  in her shoes Natalie Portman would practice day and night how to eat sugar before the photo shoot )

Are we seriously supposed to believe that these women would happily eat chocolate? Chewing some lettuce. Even biting an apple maybe. But chocolate?!

They would hate themsalves for months if they did.

You can plainly see that the poor girls are in panic “OMG! What if accidentally my tongue will touch the chocolate?! Please let it be over soon so I can go and wash my mouth! And maybe throw up a little bit just in case”.

And apparently some of them, like Jessica Alba, don’t even remember that the food is supposed to be going through the mouth and simply keep it in their hand. Not to close to the face.

I know it is not nice to make fun of eating disorders. And actually I am not.

I have nothing but sympathy for these poor fragile girls. What piss me off are the dumb art directors and photographers behind these shots.

Hey you idiots! Don’t you see what are you putting this girls through? Don’t you see the ludicrous result in the pictures?!                 You should be selling the idea of love for food not the terror of it!                                                                                                                   Do you know that there are million of beautiful photogenic, if not ultra skinny,  girls that can bite into chocolate without hating themselves? Oh  I see…  you only want to use models of course. You are classy.

Let me show you something, THIS is a model eating.

And probably she will not even finish that apple.

*Spoiler (!) alert*

Having studied a little bit of screenwriting, nothing piss me off more than a movie that cheats on the rules.

Haute Tension is the average splatter french movie of the last generation , with a good direction and decent acting.

Of course you have to like this kind of cinema .

I have very eclectic and personal taste and I like this kind of movie when it is done properly.

Basically I don’t expect a splatter movie to have a particular sophisticated plot but just to be entertaining. Is very risky to try to do something both well done AND original.

Anyway, I find amusing how young french filmakers react to the clichè of french cinema as something traditionally very intellectual and subtly psycological, by throwing buckets of blood and unlimited violence into their movies.

I will do the same if all the movies I have grown up with were centred on naked people talking on an unmaid bed.

So this movie has the average quota of blood and extreme violence.

The plot is that this girl is going to the country house of her friend to spend the weekend there with her family. Then a killer arrives and starts to chop the entire family.

A little boring but this is what you expect watching this kind of movies.

But then you discover that behind this plot there are two screenwriters full of themselves that have the need to feel clever at any cost.

An what is better to be brilliant and prove to the world that you are extremely clever than the alreday-seen-in-every-movie-after-fight-club-twist of “look everything was in her mind, she is really the killer”?

Yes. Once again the main character did all the killing because is nut and has multiple personalities.

This alone is very annoying after hundreds of movies based on this same plot twist, but there is more!

Because our screenwriters Alexandre Aja and Grégory Levasseur are smarter!

And they know that the multiple personality card is what everybody who has seen at least an handfull of movies in the last decade expects.

So what do they do? They cheat!

They put a scene in which we see the “killer”, an ugly man in overalls, in another place doing something else!

While the girl are in the car going toward the country we see a dirty van parked in a field. Inside there is the killer sexually playing with a severed head ( OMG! Now we understand that he is really-really-really bad!)

Done this,  the most-intelligent-screenwriters on the planet pats themselves on the shoulder and says “Now that we have showed the audience that there IS a man with IS OWN VAN, nobody would think that it is all in her mind! How clever of us! AH!”

If the killer his in her f***ing mind he CAN’T be in a different place, you assuming ignorant idiots!!!!

And don’t even dare to play the “dream” card ! Is something they teach you in the first screenwriting lesson that you never-ever-ever-ever can bullshit the audience with the “it was all a dream” trick!

What? What are you saying? You were not at class that day? Yes, I believe you.

Your plot twist is the usual simplistic crap and you don’t even have the guts to risk to be discovered before the end of the first act!!!

Now please Alexandre Aja keep yourself to directing, since you are quite good at it ,and let the professionals  do the screenplay!

Olivia Wilde

When she first appeared on Dr House we were all impress with how amazingly beautiful she was.

Even to much for me. Too perfect, too cold. Boring.

Then I stopped watching the show and I lost track of her.

One day my younger cousin was saying he had a crush on her and so I knew she had become famous.

But we all know that with notoriety along come paparazzi.

And recently have surfaced a lot of candid of Olivia “13” Wilde.

And here she is! A young woman with a stunning face and the perfect average body!

 

She is completely flat chested even without being extremely skinny.

She has a non descript booty and a tiny shade of cellulite on her tights.

 

And she has some remarkably short and full legs!

What is to say?

I like her!

I like this girl with an amazing face and a girl-next-door real body!

I like her now that she is no more in the Angelina and Megan Olympus and has lost her mystic aura of divine flawlessness!

Now that she walks with her perfect angel face among us common people!

 

N.B. I still have to form an opinion regarding her acting skills. In Cow Boys and Aliens they didn’t look too good.